


swallow me whole

by moonchild2593



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Awesome May Parker (Spider-Man), Awesome Michelle Jones, Awkward Conversations, Fluff, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Poor Peter Parker, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Sex Talk, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 04:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19863409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonchild2593/pseuds/moonchild2593
Summary: Peter looked absolutely and utterly mortified. "May, I love you, but if you ever say the words dry humping again, I'm putting myself up for adoption."





	swallow me whole

If there was one thing in the world May was absolutely sure about in this very moment, it was that in the history of first loves and highschool romances there has never been one not completely awkward. If it wouldn't have been so cute and adorable to look at, she might have actually died of second hand embarassment.

She knew that Tony Stark would have had a field day if he could see Peter right now. Pete and MJ were sitting on the couch, a few feet apart, staring at their knees or at May while stealing secret glances toward each other. They hadn't moved since May had gotten home from work a few minutes earlier to find them making out on the couch.

When MJ's phone rang she looked up at May, who waved a hand for her to answer the call.

"Hey Mom", she squeaked and May would have sworn she heard a breath of relief when her mother asked MJ to come home for dinner.

"I need to get home, my aunt Tessa is in town, and well.." MJ trailed off and looked apologetically first at Peter, then at May. "Sorry."

May smiled warmly at her, barely managing to hide a smirk. "That's alright, honey. How about we try getting to know each other again at some point? At dinner, at an actual table maybe?"

Peter groaned while MJ's face turned a darker color. "Yes, that sounds lovely, thank you, Mrs Parker."

When they door closed, May leaned back in the armchair and looked at Peter. "So. Anything you'd like to say?"

He looked at her and started speaking instantly. "I'm Sorry May! I'm.. sorry. At least I think I am? I'm not completely sure If I'm meant to be sorry or not. And this was awkward so I think you expect an apology? Right? So yeah. Sorry."

At that, May couldn't hold back any longer and she let out a laugh.

"You're fine, Baby." She shook her head slowly, "but I do think it's time we talked."

"About what?" Peter sounded panicked.

"Well. Are you and MJ sleeping together?"

May didn't think that Peters eyes could get any wider, but she was wrong.

"WHAT?"

"I asked if you guys are sexually active." May leaned forward and tried to catch Peter's eye, while his face scrunched up in shock.

"May" he whispered. "Please. Please, please, please, can we talk about literally anything else?"

"I come home to you guys dry humping each other on my couch so you bet your ass we're talking about it." May huffed.

Peter looked absolutely and utterly mortified. "May, I love you, but if you ever say the words dry humping again, I'm putting myself up for adoption"

May barked out a laugh, "alright casanova, back to the point. Are the two of you sexually active?"

Peter squeezed his eyes shut as if he just concentrated hard enough he would disappear. May waited a second longer before she threw a pillow at him that hit him square in the face. Both of them were surprised for a second, apparently he had been trying to beam himself to another country so hard that he completely blended out his spider senses for a second. "Peter, I'm waiting."

"I..we..MJ and I... We're kinda.." He all but squeaked. "We.. we just started dating, Aunt May!"

"That's not an answer, Pete. Ben and I actually had Sex before our first actual date."

"May!! I really did not need to know that! Ever!" He cried, eyes so wide and face so red that it was almost comical. But May just looked at him expectantly, willing herself not to laugh.

"Fine. No. Not yet."

May hated herself a little for the quiet breath of relief that left her before she could stop it. He was just an adult with all the worries of the world on his shoulders in so many aspects that she wanted him to be a kid a little while longer.  
"Good, then we can talk about any kind of questions you might have, like how.." she began before she was abruptly cut of by her nephew.

"No, Aunt May, No No No No No. I know everything. Ben and I had the talk when I was twelve and you know, the internet teaches us a lot and Mr Stark was alwas very open about," Peter cut off suddenly, taking a deep breath as if to ground himself. He didn't continue talking about his late mentor, instead saying "I'm just.. I love you May, but I'd rather talk to Dr Phil about this on live television than to you. No offense"

May wondered If she would have been offended or would have laughed if the situation was different. But the atmosphere had shifted the second Peter mentioned Tony Stark and he looked so young in this moment that, Just for a second, she thought she was crazy to even consider the fact that he could, in fact, be having Sex.

"Fine. But when you are ready, use protection. I'm happy to pay for it", she said. "And now get out of here. Do some patrolling".

She felt content when she saw his eyes light up and he hurried to leap to his feet, thanking her profusedly while practically running out of the room.

"Oh Peter, one last thing" she called after him and he halted to a stop to look at her again.

"When you say, the Internet teaches you things, are you saying that you are watching porn?"


End file.
